Sign to stop or Challenge to overcome

Have you ever wanted something that it is all consuming? It becomes the only you can think about. You spend every minute, planning, preparing, even dreaming about it. The desire borders you hindering your abilities to do anything. You smile when you talk about it. You tell everyone about it. Your excitement draws everyone in.

What about the obstacles that approach it? I have always been a person that believes everything always works out the way it is supposed to. Everything happens for a reason. The eternal optimist. However, I wonder at what point to I keep pushing to persevere and what point I decide it is not meant to be? What signs are they meant to be? It seems like a path of faith. When do you say that it is not mean to be, that this was not the path I should take? What point do I give up my hopes with the knowledge something else is supposed to be my journey.

Every bone in my body tells me this is the path I am meant to take; however, each day and new challenge makes me question if I am just fighting the signs. It makes me wonder every time another problem arises makes me wonder if something greater is telling me that it is a mistake. How do I know what if it is simply part of the journey or a sign it is not meant to be? How do I give up on something I have dreamed of for a very long time? How do I stop trying for something I have already over come so many challenges? How long do I continue to believe the answer will come when it is quickly approaching and more problems than solutions remain? How am I going to make it work?

 Am I being selfish? What is this doing to those around me? When are the tears of others trying to help more than it is worth? If this isn't my journey then what is? When am I out of options or the solutions not worth the dream?

Maybe it isn't my once in a lifetime opportunity...maybe I won't regret it if I give it up....maybe it will stop being an obsession...or maybe the answers will come, even if it seems miles away. If I can't handle the airfare then how am I ever supposed to make it work without straining the ones I care most about....the one who has already given me everything? Will going destroy everything else? I

 suppose it is irony that a mission trip brings in my largest question of faith and feeling powerless while I wait for the solution.