An act of faith

Yesterday my grandparents celebrated 60 years of marriage. They were married at 18 and I don't think once have stopped loving eachother. They battled through cancer, heart disease and family death. They triumphed with children, grandchildren, travel, and retirement. It is one of those loves that is magical. The kind most would say was impossible.

How is it that a 60 year marriage is a rarity? Is it a cultural change? Think about it. Back then married at 18 made sense much older and you were going to be an old maid with 20 cats. However, today if 18 year old high school sweethearts get engaged everyone calls them fools. People say you don't know who you are at 18 and can't understand what love is. Yet, it is those young loves that seem to withstand anything. What has our culture done to itself? Does anyone even know what love is anymore? Does anyone really believe in it?

The flip side to the 60 year marriage is that I have also seen the dangerous hurtful love that leaves scars. The kind that leaves you wondering how did these people ever love eachother.  I have seen people try to continually make a love work. Make it fit when the entire world says there is nothing there. Yet I also have been one to  walkaway before giving it a shot. Unwilling to put in the little extra work required. Unwilling to wait for the failure. Why leave it on a bad note? Isn't it better to just have the happy memories? I know this is sick and twisted yet I know I am not the only person that thinks that way. In fact I sadly know many that do this. Some do it without even realizing it.

As I typed this ironically the news began a piece about gigolos and the growing industry. I stared mesmerized at what was being said. Women talking about this was much better than regular dating, no expectations, no continuation, simple date and no need for a call the next day. In fact some women continued by stating it was the perfect relationship. How is that a relationship? How is that what is socially acceptable? Why do we give up before we try? Why do we encourage others to quit when the road gets hard?

Where does one find that 60 year love? How do you know when you have it and should make it work? When is it time to set aside differences and compromise because it is the real deal? How do you set aside the fear of fighting, growing apart, distance, infidelity, a broken love? I wish I could say I had seen more 60 year loves than broken loves but it is far from the truth. I have watched people passionately fight to make relationships work and perpetually be disappointed by that person. In today's culture the 60 year love could be standing in front of someone and I doubt anyone would ever know it. The expectation is a 72 hour marriage versus 60 years.

All this being said 60 years of marriage should be applauded, admired, adored. It is a special thing to find that more should strive to have.  Even if it isn't 60 years they should still strive to find that passion, that drive, that devotion. Be willing to look for it and make the effort to see where the love goes instead of closing yourself off. Or even worse taking yourself out of the game before it really has started. Don't leave yourself wondering what if. I know I am one of the worst at this. Maybe I should take my own advice sometime.

"Love means to commit oneself without guarantee, to give oneself completely in the hope that our love will produce love in the loved person. Love is an act of faith, and whoever is of little faith is also of little love."--Erich Fromm