Well at least it seems life has quickly progressed from a stand-still to movement. Although just as things come together others seem to fall apart. Always the way it seems to work. It keeps things interesting, stressful, exciting, and unending. Sadly, however, it can make a bad day worse. You just have to keep pushing to make it happen. Even if you take two steps forward and one step back it is slight progress.
The list of things seems to grow at an unending rate and the problems constantly tripping. Just find one thing to smile about and it makes the rest go away. This has been a roller coaster of a week with extreme highs and lows and very little in between. The focus on what is yet to come. It makes everything else seem less of a burden. The knowledge that people are only a phone call away makes it better. Even though they can not fix the problems it still makes it better.
Who knew the adult world could be so expensive. This week alone the expenses made me want to cry:
New Car Window: $383
Hospital Bills from ear Infection (they apparently did not get processed earlier like I thought): $1010
Vaccinations (only the start): $485
Ironically $1500 of this actually is not going to go through because my wallet disappeared along with all my credit cards, social security card, driver's license, and red cross certifications. So when all of those go through and the card will be declined thinking I am not paying the bills. This all was going on credit cards with the realization there went everything I had saved. How does it work this way? This doesn't even touch the other costs coming up and I already have. Is there any way to get ahead? How do can you make it all work? Some days the hours of work seem to be pointless. And the hopes of everything else seem nearly impossible? Will I be able to make it all work? Will I get to do my dream and goal.
As all this races through the mind other issues arise. There is studying and taking midterms which finally were completed today. Then the matter of the lost wallet. With this I lost everything. The American Red Cross cannot find me anywhere in there system; paperwork and fees for new driver's license and social security card; and canceling the credit cards. The irony I am more disappointed I had a free movie ticket and my rewards cards are all missing. Those of course cannot be replaced and that is what is disappointing about them.
It felt as it was all coming together then reality occurred it seems all so unrealistic. Which path do you take? Do you agree to accept the challenges and have the faith it will all work out? Do you decide it is not practical and go in another direction? I am just going to hold on to the belief it will all work out because no matter the crazy adventures and situations I become involved in they seem to happen for a reason and work out.
Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Monday, March 26, 2012
Spinning Circles
You move and move at an unprecedented speed. People around you stand in awe wondering how it is possible. Little do they realize although it appears there is a plethora of activity, little time, little sleep, and a constant to do list there is also little progression. It is as if everything is a blur that causes people believe it is all together.
One false step in the wrong direction and the scale is far from balanced. Everything comes crumbling over. Climbing slightly higher hoping the problems disappear over-time. Never really fixes all the issues. A face appearing to have it all together while feeling as if in a second it all could crumble. Often times it as if I am a dog chasing its tail and never successfully catching it. How do you not only appear to have it all together and actually have it all together? Is there ever a peaceful moment without anxiety over the next thing coming? A moment to catch your breath? A second where there is not something gnawing at your mind? Would I know how to be happy if there was not these continual feelings?
One false step in the wrong direction and the scale is far from balanced. Everything comes crumbling over. Climbing slightly higher hoping the problems disappear over-time. Never really fixes all the issues. A face appearing to have it all together while feeling as if in a second it all could crumble. Often times it as if I am a dog chasing its tail and never successfully catching it. How do you not only appear to have it all together and actually have it all together? Is there ever a peaceful moment without anxiety over the next thing coming? A moment to catch your breath? A second where there is not something gnawing at your mind? Would I know how to be happy if there was not these continual feelings?
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Frozen In Time
A stand still. Everything put on pause. There is no going back and really no moving forward. It might be the moments when everything things feels the uneasiest. The settling into a decision and waiting for an outcome. Unsure if your instincts have led you astray while knowing it will all turn out.
Being a naturally optimistic worrisome person sometimes can be challenging. It is as if there is a constant internal battle within my mind. The optimistic viewpoints knows that everything will turn out. No matter the problems I face the outcome always betters me and is exactly what I need. Nevertheless, the worrisome anxious other half questions every decision. My only saving grace is my stubbornness that refuses to allow me change my mind once I make the decision.
Every decision from the giant ones to the little ones seem to take bountiful initial thought, a sudden shove, and a random decision. If given ample time I will never make the choice. I need a deadline. The final choice will never be made until the moment of the deadline. It is literally how my entire life seems to work. At a restaurant I never know what meal I will order until the words leave my mouth to the waiter, I choose BU on the day the tuition deposit was required, only made the final decision about moving out of my apartment when the landlord called asking my choice, picked out what car to buy as the dealership was closing, and decided to take my car to Boston two weeks before I moved. I am fairly certain it is the only way I progress and change. If left to my own devices I would be in a constant frozen state.
This randomness however, can make my mind turn circles and my stomach have butterflies if left in the "frozen state" for extended periods of time. Once I have made a decision two things must occur: First I must be able to make all the preparations I am able to at that time period. I need to leave things in a settled state of mind and no loose ends can occur. The second is to put the situation out of sight and out of mind until time of action must occur. If these two steps can not occur I leave in a random state of mind that leaves me feeling unsettled and questioning my decisions. I cannot be given great time to think over a situation or I regret my choices (even if I can not yet see the outcome or change the situation).
The frozen state is a difficult place. There is a knowledge that I must remain calm and understand things take time. Whatever is supposed to occur will be the best results. However, I feel an urgency to make plans and settle into a new routine. There is a need to be able to plan to be excited for something. The light at the end of the tunnel seems to rapidly be approaching but I need brakes because I can not see what happens when the end is reached. The optimism seems to make constant attempts to calm the worry. How has everything passed by so quickly?
Being a naturally optimistic worrisome person sometimes can be challenging. It is as if there is a constant internal battle within my mind. The optimistic viewpoints knows that everything will turn out. No matter the problems I face the outcome always betters me and is exactly what I need. Nevertheless, the worrisome anxious other half questions every decision. My only saving grace is my stubbornness that refuses to allow me change my mind once I make the decision.
Every decision from the giant ones to the little ones seem to take bountiful initial thought, a sudden shove, and a random decision. If given ample time I will never make the choice. I need a deadline. The final choice will never be made until the moment of the deadline. It is literally how my entire life seems to work. At a restaurant I never know what meal I will order until the words leave my mouth to the waiter, I choose BU on the day the tuition deposit was required, only made the final decision about moving out of my apartment when the landlord called asking my choice, picked out what car to buy as the dealership was closing, and decided to take my car to Boston two weeks before I moved. I am fairly certain it is the only way I progress and change. If left to my own devices I would be in a constant frozen state.
This randomness however, can make my mind turn circles and my stomach have butterflies if left in the "frozen state" for extended periods of time. Once I have made a decision two things must occur: First I must be able to make all the preparations I am able to at that time period. I need to leave things in a settled state of mind and no loose ends can occur. The second is to put the situation out of sight and out of mind until time of action must occur. If these two steps can not occur I leave in a random state of mind that leaves me feeling unsettled and questioning my decisions. I cannot be given great time to think over a situation or I regret my choices (even if I can not yet see the outcome or change the situation).
The frozen state is a difficult place. There is a knowledge that I must remain calm and understand things take time. Whatever is supposed to occur will be the best results. However, I feel an urgency to make plans and settle into a new routine. There is a need to be able to plan to be excited for something. The light at the end of the tunnel seems to rapidly be approaching but I need brakes because I can not see what happens when the end is reached. The optimism seems to make constant attempts to calm the worry. How has everything passed by so quickly?
Sunday, March 18, 2012
At the finish line or just the starting lineup?
Seasons change, time passes and everything seems to come full circle. Or is that how it really works? Anticipation for what is to come, countdowns to finishing upcoming events, enjoyment of vacation. All emotions felt as the spring approaches and the windows are flung up for the fresh air. Yet it brings a strong sensation of anxiety as knowledge of change is once again about to come.
Spring is this exciting time. It is were the warmth comes, new flowers, ample time outdoors, the ending of semesters, and the quick approach of summer (my favorite time of year). However with this it no longer just the enjoyment of summer vacation. It is the planning of moving, the packing, settling accounts, making travel arrangements; ultimately uprooting life once again. In the past 5 years that seems to be what spring truly represents. Sadly, taking away from the enjoyment of a simple spring day.
It started with just planning and arranging dorm move out, summer jobs, picking classes for the following fall, finding roommates, and making new living arrangements. Then it progressed to storage units, moving trucks, apartment hunting, travel plans, graduate school choices, finals, camp, and graduation. Now it is packing up an apartment that really just was finished unpacking, planning camp, figuring out new living situations, storage, dates, quitting jobs, selling cars, writing papers, meetings, financial aid, and ultimately not just planning for a summer but so much more. Nevertheless, the planning is at a constant standstill of uncertainty. Without knowledge of when I will be back, what I need, where I am going I can not move forward with the planning.
Instead preparation knots fill my stomach and the only thing of concentration is the problem. Do I need an apartment for September, January, or May? When should I start packing? When am I leaving? Will I be back in the fall? Do I need to start arranging for Visas, booking flights, saving that money? When will I be home? What will I do with everything I own? What can I afford? How will this work for school? What do I need to do to arrange everything? What if it all falls through? Will I still have a job? Should I be apartment hunting? Should I have renewed my lease?
Change use to the thing I feared most. Now it is what I find exciting. It is what I look forward to, anticipate, need to revitalize when everything else is burning me out. However, with big change I need time, planning, coping. I need to know that there is a plan even if that plan gets messed up. Without the ability to plan and arrange it seems stressful, terrifying and confusing. I look into the future and I no longer know what I see. That scares me. The girl with all the plans does not have any more. What does this mean?
My head has ideas, dreams, goals, wants, and needs. But there is not a clear path anymore and it seems difficult to figure out which one to take as they all lead to different outcomes and possibilities. So I wait. I stand at the line unsure what it will bring, where it will go, what it will do. It is actually invigorating to only have possibilities and not black and white solutions.
Spring is this exciting time. It is were the warmth comes, new flowers, ample time outdoors, the ending of semesters, and the quick approach of summer (my favorite time of year). However with this it no longer just the enjoyment of summer vacation. It is the planning of moving, the packing, settling accounts, making travel arrangements; ultimately uprooting life once again. In the past 5 years that seems to be what spring truly represents. Sadly, taking away from the enjoyment of a simple spring day.
It started with just planning and arranging dorm move out, summer jobs, picking classes for the following fall, finding roommates, and making new living arrangements. Then it progressed to storage units, moving trucks, apartment hunting, travel plans, graduate school choices, finals, camp, and graduation. Now it is packing up an apartment that really just was finished unpacking, planning camp, figuring out new living situations, storage, dates, quitting jobs, selling cars, writing papers, meetings, financial aid, and ultimately not just planning for a summer but so much more. Nevertheless, the planning is at a constant standstill of uncertainty. Without knowledge of when I will be back, what I need, where I am going I can not move forward with the planning.
Instead preparation knots fill my stomach and the only thing of concentration is the problem. Do I need an apartment for September, January, or May? When should I start packing? When am I leaving? Will I be back in the fall? Do I need to start arranging for Visas, booking flights, saving that money? When will I be home? What will I do with everything I own? What can I afford? How will this work for school? What do I need to do to arrange everything? What if it all falls through? Will I still have a job? Should I be apartment hunting? Should I have renewed my lease?
Change use to the thing I feared most. Now it is what I find exciting. It is what I look forward to, anticipate, need to revitalize when everything else is burning me out. However, with big change I need time, planning, coping. I need to know that there is a plan even if that plan gets messed up. Without the ability to plan and arrange it seems stressful, terrifying and confusing. I look into the future and I no longer know what I see. That scares me. The girl with all the plans does not have any more. What does this mean?
My head has ideas, dreams, goals, wants, and needs. But there is not a clear path anymore and it seems difficult to figure out which one to take as they all lead to different outcomes and possibilities. So I wait. I stand at the line unsure what it will bring, where it will go, what it will do. It is actually invigorating to only have possibilities and not black and white solutions.
Monday, March 12, 2012
Restlessness
Antsy, pacing, dizzy, anxious, mesmerized, fidgety, lackadaisical, nervous, lazy, and yet the mind never turning off. There is feeling of unease and peace simultaneously. How does this occur? How can you feel so many things in one week, day, hour, or more so in a second? Far from extreme emotions just the constant feeling of restlessness. The question is why so restless?
Has it become that the constant change, challenge, and pace makes anything of consistency dull? Is it the inability to take time to truly settle? The busy monotonous days filled with the constant concentration on work, money, bills, and savings finally straining the mind? Is it the excitement for the future? A culmination of everything? Is this the feeling of adulthood or just the current circumstance?
For as long as I can remember I have known what I was going to major in college, do for a living, when to marry, have children, who to be when I grew up. With every passing day I feel more resistance to this plan. More need to explore, travel, and dream. Where is the balance? How do you dream and live in the present. Enjoy being "young, and wild, and free" while earning a living an saving for the future? Is there always going to be a feeling of restlessness? Is it a current situation or will I always grow bored of the current situation. My short attention span seems to continually make me bored.
Rarely do I find something that continually challenges me, excites me, and most of all is far from monotonous. When it is found it is like an addiction to hold on. Sacrificing to keep that life, searching for continuation, loving every second of it, utilizing it as a beacon of hope when everything else seems unending. Will that need always be there? When will it feel like I am doing something fulfilling with me life?
Has it become that the constant change, challenge, and pace makes anything of consistency dull? Is it the inability to take time to truly settle? The busy monotonous days filled with the constant concentration on work, money, bills, and savings finally straining the mind? Is it the excitement for the future? A culmination of everything? Is this the feeling of adulthood or just the current circumstance?
For as long as I can remember I have known what I was going to major in college, do for a living, when to marry, have children, who to be when I grew up. With every passing day I feel more resistance to this plan. More need to explore, travel, and dream. Where is the balance? How do you dream and live in the present. Enjoy being "young, and wild, and free" while earning a living an saving for the future? Is there always going to be a feeling of restlessness? Is it a current situation or will I always grow bored of the current situation. My short attention span seems to continually make me bored.
Rarely do I find something that continually challenges me, excites me, and most of all is far from monotonous. When it is found it is like an addiction to hold on. Sacrificing to keep that life, searching for continuation, loving every second of it, utilizing it as a beacon of hope when everything else seems unending. Will that need always be there? When will it feel like I am doing something fulfilling with me life?
Sunday, March 4, 2012
Win Some Lose Some In the End it doesn't matter
Do you ever look back? Look at all the time that has passed before you and wonder where has time gone? How can it be that so many things have occurred and become distant memories? Stand it complete shock at how people were correct in saying that in a blink of an eye something will be over?
This coming year will be 16 years since my father passed away; 10 since my grandmother; 9 since my grandfather; my 5 year high school reunion will be occurring; my 5th summer on staff at a Girl Scout Camp; my godson will be turning 10; and my mother retiring from work . September 11 will be 11 years ago; the 6th presidential election of my lifetime will be held; and technology has progressed at a magnitude unimaginable. What have I been doing? What have I achieved? Who have I become? Is it what I wanted to be doing?
If you had asked me 16 years ago or even 10 years ago what my life would be like. I far would have expected it to be this. I would never have moved 1200 miles from home; be earning a Masters in something at the time I had never heard of; considering moving to Africa for 6 months; working 65 hours a week; lifeguarding; nannying; working as a Waterfront Director; living in a Studio Apartment; own my own car; and be completely unsure of where life will be taking me next.
I am a planner; a workaholic; slightly obsessive compulsive person with a fear of change. That being said I seem to always be seeking change. As anyone would agree I cannot still or stand still neither can my dreams and goals. At any given moment a new idea or dream pops into my head. A challenge to take, an obsession to reach. Nothing is ever to big or to small to do. The list seems to be eternally growing. The present becomes the means to the end of the goal. Whatever I am currently doing is for whatever my next big thing is. Saving, working, planning. Then the goal is reached and the new one pushes forward. Never am I taking the time to truly enjoy the achievement or the amazement of what has occurred. It is as if the pinballs in my head cannot stop long enough to just breath.
No one could ask me where I will be in 10 years. I used to answer that in a heartbeat and no I have no clue. There are too many things to do and see. Will I run out of time before I can achieve it all? When do I start prioritizing? When do I start cutting things off the list of other things? Am I too busy planning for the future careers, travel, goals to start planning for settling down, relationships, children? It seems at every turn my friends are filled with thoughts of engagement, settling down, buying homes, having children. Those once were what I expected to be thinking about at 23. Now it seems the furtherest thing on my mind. A relationship longer than 3 months is impossible. Even when things are good work and preparation for the future get in the way. Furthermore, I am unwilling to sacrifice for the relationship. Unwilling to put in the time for long-distance, long-term, commitment. Is it that it isn't the right person or it just is something I have put on the back burner? Children seem even more long-term. Yet the internal clock makes me realize at some point I am going to have to stop and look at those as priorities?
Medical school or PhD? Which do I want. When will I take time for them? The goal is to reach on by the age of 30; but can I fit it in with all my other plans? Do I want to work overseas or in the nation? Do I want to work for a NGO or the government? Do I stay in Boston? Move to NYC, Washington DC, or the West Coast? All seem thrilling, exciting, and possible. The older I get the more possibilities I see. It is as if a whole new world has been unlocked. As if I lived in a small bubble and the more I grow the larger the bubble becomes. It makes me want to see and do everything. When do those goals however make the present no fun? When do I decide to live in the present and enjoy these times? I am young and free but never having time? Where is the shut off valve? How do you achieve it all? How do you know what you should or shouldn't be doing?
This coming year will be 16 years since my father passed away; 10 since my grandmother; 9 since my grandfather; my 5 year high school reunion will be occurring; my 5th summer on staff at a Girl Scout Camp; my godson will be turning 10; and my mother retiring from work . September 11 will be 11 years ago; the 6th presidential election of my lifetime will be held; and technology has progressed at a magnitude unimaginable. What have I been doing? What have I achieved? Who have I become? Is it what I wanted to be doing?
If you had asked me 16 years ago or even 10 years ago what my life would be like. I far would have expected it to be this. I would never have moved 1200 miles from home; be earning a Masters in something at the time I had never heard of; considering moving to Africa for 6 months; working 65 hours a week; lifeguarding; nannying; working as a Waterfront Director; living in a Studio Apartment; own my own car; and be completely unsure of where life will be taking me next.
I am a planner; a workaholic; slightly obsessive compulsive person with a fear of change. That being said I seem to always be seeking change. As anyone would agree I cannot still or stand still neither can my dreams and goals. At any given moment a new idea or dream pops into my head. A challenge to take, an obsession to reach. Nothing is ever to big or to small to do. The list seems to be eternally growing. The present becomes the means to the end of the goal. Whatever I am currently doing is for whatever my next big thing is. Saving, working, planning. Then the goal is reached and the new one pushes forward. Never am I taking the time to truly enjoy the achievement or the amazement of what has occurred. It is as if the pinballs in my head cannot stop long enough to just breath.
No one could ask me where I will be in 10 years. I used to answer that in a heartbeat and no I have no clue. There are too many things to do and see. Will I run out of time before I can achieve it all? When do I start prioritizing? When do I start cutting things off the list of other things? Am I too busy planning for the future careers, travel, goals to start planning for settling down, relationships, children? It seems at every turn my friends are filled with thoughts of engagement, settling down, buying homes, having children. Those once were what I expected to be thinking about at 23. Now it seems the furtherest thing on my mind. A relationship longer than 3 months is impossible. Even when things are good work and preparation for the future get in the way. Furthermore, I am unwilling to sacrifice for the relationship. Unwilling to put in the time for long-distance, long-term, commitment. Is it that it isn't the right person or it just is something I have put on the back burner? Children seem even more long-term. Yet the internal clock makes me realize at some point I am going to have to stop and look at those as priorities?
Medical school or PhD? Which do I want. When will I take time for them? The goal is to reach on by the age of 30; but can I fit it in with all my other plans? Do I want to work overseas or in the nation? Do I want to work for a NGO or the government? Do I stay in Boston? Move to NYC, Washington DC, or the West Coast? All seem thrilling, exciting, and possible. The older I get the more possibilities I see. It is as if a whole new world has been unlocked. As if I lived in a small bubble and the more I grow the larger the bubble becomes. It makes me want to see and do everything. When do those goals however make the present no fun? When do I decide to live in the present and enjoy these times? I am young and free but never having time? Where is the shut off valve? How do you achieve it all? How do you know what you should or shouldn't be doing?
Friday, March 2, 2012
Is it simply the way it is examined?
Ask one friend and they will say I have the best luck. I always get what I wish for and win the some great prizes. Ask another friend and they will tell you the worst things happen. That if something could go wrong it would happen to me. Ask me? Everything has to happen for a reason and will work itself out.
The question then is, is it luck, karma, or just the way one views the world? Is the person that thinks I am the luckiest person just a "Glass Always Full Person" and the other friend the opposite? I am not sure that is the case. I do believe however it is a blind faith that there is good in anything that happens. The one thing they all agree on is that my life could easily be a comedy because it just is not believable thing situations I find myself in. I can honestly say even on the worst days I have to laugh at the predicament.
Let's just go through a brief list: How many people can say that the are betting pools about when in a summer you will get stung by a Bee? Most people would never expect to get stung in particular when you have an allergy. Yet, it is far higher probability that I will be stung than I will not. How many people can get a staph infection on the leg one summer and the next summer break an ankle? How many people can have a window broken and mirror stolen at a job interview in a wealthy neighborhood? How many people can win tickets to a private concert or a nook at a book reading you never intended to attend? Or in strange predicaments in relationships that can not be explained? Have no prospects of a job and all the sudden have 3 jobs? This is just somethings more recent but it is something that has perpetually occurred throughout my life. One minute I could win a coloring contest, 2 cakes at cake walk, a raffle, and a fish and then the next there could be illness and death in the family. It is like a bipolar life without the bipolar mental state. The easy response to this is my life is never dull.
It just can often be puzzling. How does this happen? How does one person have crazy extremes and others nothing? Never winning or losing? Never experiencing extreme happiness or sadness? What leads us to the life we live? It cannot just be the choices we make because I often can barely make a decision; unless it is an emergency. Is it just life picking someone to have a good laugh at? It is not bothersome, just slightly confusing. I would not have my life any other way than it is; however, it is far from explainable.
The question then is, is it luck, karma, or just the way one views the world? Is the person that thinks I am the luckiest person just a "Glass Always Full Person" and the other friend the opposite? I am not sure that is the case. I do believe however it is a blind faith that there is good in anything that happens. The one thing they all agree on is that my life could easily be a comedy because it just is not believable thing situations I find myself in. I can honestly say even on the worst days I have to laugh at the predicament.
Let's just go through a brief list: How many people can say that the are betting pools about when in a summer you will get stung by a Bee? Most people would never expect to get stung in particular when you have an allergy. Yet, it is far higher probability that I will be stung than I will not. How many people can get a staph infection on the leg one summer and the next summer break an ankle? How many people can have a window broken and mirror stolen at a job interview in a wealthy neighborhood? How many people can win tickets to a private concert or a nook at a book reading you never intended to attend? Or in strange predicaments in relationships that can not be explained? Have no prospects of a job and all the sudden have 3 jobs? This is just somethings more recent but it is something that has perpetually occurred throughout my life. One minute I could win a coloring contest, 2 cakes at cake walk, a raffle, and a fish and then the next there could be illness and death in the family. It is like a bipolar life without the bipolar mental state. The easy response to this is my life is never dull.
It just can often be puzzling. How does this happen? How does one person have crazy extremes and others nothing? Never winning or losing? Never experiencing extreme happiness or sadness? What leads us to the life we live? It cannot just be the choices we make because I often can barely make a decision; unless it is an emergency. Is it just life picking someone to have a good laugh at? It is not bothersome, just slightly confusing. I would not have my life any other way than it is; however, it is far from explainable.
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Hierarchy of Authority
Is it that we have outgrown the level of authority we are given due to previous positions or is it genuinely that the organization is disorganized so little respect is commanded? How is it at to different places the organization and abilities of the manager are beyond frustrating? How is it that a place can drive you to insanity? Is this how the adult world truly is, working 65 hours and having little to show for it?
I am not asking for much. In fact I feel I am a pretty easy going employee. What I do ask is consistency, organization, and slight respect. Maybe I have simply had "easy" jobs until this point in life; however, I have never seen places with such chaos as the past 2 fitness centers I have chosen to work for. Leaving one for another feeling that it had a better hierarchy system and therefore, would create better organization. Here is the most recent instant of several in the past 2 months of employment at my most recent job. On Monday my boss sent me 3 separate emails asking me to extend hours this week due to a last minute need. I agreed. Yesterday she called me asking all sorts of questions giving me different times and scenarios for the month and this weekend. She promised she would email me the schedule yesterday so I would know my shifts for the month and this weekend. I never received an email therefore I called and asked to let me know at least what time I am working tomorrow. Her response "I will send it to you tomorrow today is my day off and I don't have access to it."
Now yes I know I am working tomorrow; however, I do not know what time. The only way I can balance my life is being able articulate a schedule and plan to fit all my daily needs. If I do not know what time I am working because she has told me 4 different times it makes it difficult to plan for the day. Furthermore, unable to plan for the weekend not knowing if I am working doubles on Saturday and Sunday and what times because she was changing them. Is it ridiculous to be annoyed by this? Even though I am new is it unfair to bothered by being expected to drop everything and never to be able to make plans because it is unclear what hours I am available? The funny thing is I enjoy the job, I enjoy the fitness center, I enjoy working; I do not enjoy disorganization, the disrespect for the hierarchy, the disrespect for the required pool rules.
The question that this all brings me to is it that this bothers me because I have experience in that position and no longer have the respect to be the low man on the totem pole; or is there a legitimate problem? How is that in Missouri I loved working at a fitness center and both fitness centers here have driven me crazy. What is the connection? Have I outgrown the job and more? Am I willing to give up the money because of frustration?
I am not asking for much. In fact I feel I am a pretty easy going employee. What I do ask is consistency, organization, and slight respect. Maybe I have simply had "easy" jobs until this point in life; however, I have never seen places with such chaos as the past 2 fitness centers I have chosen to work for. Leaving one for another feeling that it had a better hierarchy system and therefore, would create better organization. Here is the most recent instant of several in the past 2 months of employment at my most recent job. On Monday my boss sent me 3 separate emails asking me to extend hours this week due to a last minute need. I agreed. Yesterday she called me asking all sorts of questions giving me different times and scenarios for the month and this weekend. She promised she would email me the schedule yesterday so I would know my shifts for the month and this weekend. I never received an email therefore I called and asked to let me know at least what time I am working tomorrow. Her response "I will send it to you tomorrow today is my day off and I don't have access to it."
Now yes I know I am working tomorrow; however, I do not know what time. The only way I can balance my life is being able articulate a schedule and plan to fit all my daily needs. If I do not know what time I am working because she has told me 4 different times it makes it difficult to plan for the day. Furthermore, unable to plan for the weekend not knowing if I am working doubles on Saturday and Sunday and what times because she was changing them. Is it ridiculous to be annoyed by this? Even though I am new is it unfair to bothered by being expected to drop everything and never to be able to make plans because it is unclear what hours I am available? The funny thing is I enjoy the job, I enjoy the fitness center, I enjoy working; I do not enjoy disorganization, the disrespect for the hierarchy, the disrespect for the required pool rules.
The question that this all brings me to is it that this bothers me because I have experience in that position and no longer have the respect to be the low man on the totem pole; or is there a legitimate problem? How is that in Missouri I loved working at a fitness center and both fitness centers here have driven me crazy. What is the connection? Have I outgrown the job and more? Am I willing to give up the money because of frustration?
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