Restlessness

Antsy, pacing, dizzy, anxious, mesmerized, fidgety, lackadaisical, nervous, lazy, and yet the mind never turning off. There is feeling of unease and peace simultaneously. How does this occur? How can you feel so many things in one week, day, hour, or more so in a second? Far from extreme emotions just the constant feeling of restlessness. The question is why so restless?

Has it become that the constant change, challenge, and pace makes anything of consistency dull? Is it the inability to take time to truly settle? The busy monotonous days filled with the constant concentration on work, money, bills, and savings finally straining the mind? Is it the excitement for the future? A culmination of everything? Is this the feeling of adulthood or just the current circumstance?

For as long as I can remember I have known what I was going to major in college, do for a living, when to marry, have children, who to be when I grew up. With every passing day I feel more resistance to this plan. More need to explore, travel, and dream. Where is the balance? How do you dream and live in the present. Enjoy being "young, and wild, and free" while earning a living an saving for the future? Is there always going to be a feeling of restlessness? Is it a current situation or will I always grow bored of the current situation. My short attention span seems to continually make me bored.

Rarely do I find something that continually challenges me, excites me, and most of all is far from monotonous. When it is found it is like an addiction to hold on. Sacrificing to keep that life, searching for continuation, loving every second of it, utilizing it as a beacon of hope when everything else seems unending. Will that need always be there? When will it feel like I am doing something fulfilling with me life?