Tug of War

It was as if I stepped back into time. Picking up where it left off. For just a few short days it was as if in the past year my whole world had not changed. It as reassuring to know that friendships can outlast distance and that even as time passes the dynamics do not. Nevertheless, there was an innate feeling of sadness, nostalgia, confusion.

It seemed that the feeling of homesickness had long dissipated. Contentment of life and knowledge of the right decision. Then in a moment you can return to missing everything that had been before.  All of us had been prepared to move on. Strong desire to try something new.  A year later and it seems as if it would be easier to return to before. Missing the people that have been there nonstop for years. Suddenly the need for their personal connection is all that enters the mind. It was truly as if time was frozen for a weekend.

Returning to reality was difficult. It has been before as your transition from school life to home life to summer life. This difficulty is usually due to extended periods of time. This simple 72 hours journey left me muddled and anxious. Dreading the looming responsibility. Knowledge that all that awaited was responsibility and to-do lists. The need for time to pass quickly.

These past few months have flown by. Blinking eyes and it was time to progress to something new. Now I am torn. I am anticipating the return of one of my "homes" but the need to put the breaks on to finish everything.  Anxiety understands it all seems to have gotten away from me.  Without realizing it I have fallen extremely behind. Going from consistency to mess. Organization to clutter. Structure to Chaos.

The internal tug of war of where to belong only continues. The love for new adventures but the urge to have those you care for close by. Feelings that both places are slightly fractured and incomplete. Will there be a time that you have it all? That life is not out of balance? How is it that no matter where you are something is consuming you?